I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
