God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
