Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
