Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
