I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
