I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
