Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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