I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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