He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
