I'm so fucking centered right now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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