I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
