Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
