last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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