I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
