So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
