It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
