nutella sex= disaster
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
