Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
