Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize