I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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