your parents love me but you hate me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize