Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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