I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
