Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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