Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
