he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
