It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im six kinds of drunk right now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
