You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
