420 ftw
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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