This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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