Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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