My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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