I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
