I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
