woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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