My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
