we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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