i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
