I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
