I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
