Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
