You're so nebulous sometimes
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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