Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
