If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
