1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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