My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
