She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
