D3 body, D1 cock
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
