Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize