I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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