last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
