she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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