even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
whose parrot is this?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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