I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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