He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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