I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
