She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
