I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
