I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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