remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
