i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
