ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
