How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
should my penis look like a turkey
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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