i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
