I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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