Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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