God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
