we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
