You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
