Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
