People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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