who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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