I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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