I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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